we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
