alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
