Cold hands, warm shart.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
