yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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