I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize