They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
