How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
