I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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