Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
