He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
