there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So here I am, sexting at work.
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