My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
