Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
3 2 1 whiskey
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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