there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Someone came in the potted fern
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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