There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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