Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we made out on top of his cat.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
