At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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