My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
