I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
