oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
