Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
