I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
