My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
