Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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