I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
