We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
