New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
