Sry I called you an 8
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She bit a glass in half.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
