Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
