Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
