I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
