how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
