Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
