i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
