I feel great
I just peed on a car
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
