A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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