And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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