Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
