Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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