Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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