So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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