I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I don't deserve a penis
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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