Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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