he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
