I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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