remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
