This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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