so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
