Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
