ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
