i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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