So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
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He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
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I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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