I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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