my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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