I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
