Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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