Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
