i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
