she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
