the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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