Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I supernannyed him into submission
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
