just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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