If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
