There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
its not stalking. its research.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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