i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
