he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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