what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize