Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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