why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
