nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
