We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm like, not good at living.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
