2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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