This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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