The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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