He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
