New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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