I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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