i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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