So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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